Lost
by Orokid
Summary: After Chloe's death, Clark tries to get on with his life but there's something strange about Lois that he can't quite place...


**Orokid**_: Yeah, it's been a while since I wrote a Smallville fanfic, but I don't exactly care about what you guys think when it concerns what I feel like writing. Lol. I know that it's pretty bad, due to it's lack of editing, but I stopped caring by the time the second page came into view. Lol._

_Anyway…_

**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Smallville or any of the characters that are mentioned in this fanfiction. That belongs to the creators, and the mere idea of Superman belongs to two Jewish guys from New York. Don't ask how I know that, but I just thought that it was a fun fact when I had learned it. Lol._

_Make sure to review when you get to the end of the fanfic, cause I'll love you all forever- even if it's just to say "it's crap", "good", "eh", or "I could've written it better". Lol. I don't care cause I like them all. Thankies! (The caffine has hit…)_

**Lost**

Chapter One

Tears

He didn't like what he saw, on this damp and cold day that he used to celebrate with his closest friend. It was extremely hard to find a reason to be happy nowadays, when every wall he had built up had been shattered by the news he didn't want to hear ever. His happiness had been drained from him with the two simple words of "she's gone", and there just didn't seem to be a way to regain that smile or laugh he used to explode with whenever she was around him.

It hurt so much just to read the letters before him on the solid stone that stood from the ground, taunting him almost.

Here lies Chloe Sullivan- 

_The greatest friend someone could have and_

_an even better reporter that the world has lost._

_1989 - 2007_

Since both her parents had been lost to the tide of life that he so despised right then, he had been chosen to be the one to think up the words which would be on that reminder forever more, all because he had been the closest to her. It had been a great honor, he felt, but it had been the time it had taken him that made him dissolve into tears over and over again. So many days had been spent picking out the right thing to say, and so many hours of sleep had been lost to crying over someone he couldn't have saved, no matter how much he wished he could've.

His heart ached each time the memory surfaced, remembering how it had all happened in less than a moment, and it hurt even more whenever his memories began to haunt him like they always did when he wasn't there to save the day. But, since she had been close to him, closer than anyone he had ever allowed to be, it had been torture in his heart to remember reaching out to her before she had fallen to her death. He hadn't been the one to find her either, and that made him lose his emotionless attitude all over again.

His fears of heights and falling had left her to die, and he hated himself all the more because of his weaknesses.

But, despite the fact that he was his own worst enemy on this subject, he did blame someone else more than he allowed himself to. Truthfully, as he wept at her gravesite that rainy afternoon she had been buried, he hadn't even seen that bastard shed a tear. In fact, he had only smiled, believing that he had won the battle he had so obviously had with her. That was what made him burn with frustration and torment, and the young man only wished that there were a way to destroy the man without showing them all his true power.

It was only because he couldn't think of a way that that evil man he had once called his best friend, who he had defended when no one else stood up to help his side of the argument, who he believed had a conscience when there hadn't really been one, had walked away from the funeral that day without a scratch on him. Otherwise, he would've been beneath his feet, unlike how Chloe had been.

"I'm a failure to you, and I'm sorry about that", he whispered softly, letting tears slowly cascade down those perfect cheeks, not daring to wipe them away. They were of his doing, so he was destined to feel the brunt of his decisions, and he was willing to accept what fate he had. He sank down onto his knees, his head lowered as he placed the bouquet of white roses upon the grass before the stone he found himself dreaming of in the middle of the night, when he couldn't find the way to his dream world. "You… had so much faith in me, in my abilities, and… and I let you down."

He smirked sadly as he thought about what she would say to him, about how she'd react. In his very mind, he could see her roll her gentle eyes at him, a smile on her face as she did so. _"Clark, don't worry about it. No one's perfect- not even you, superman. You can make mistakes."_

"Mistakes are what led me to a life without you, Chloe." He held back the sob that dared to bite at him in his time of need, and he knew that it was better that he didn't show the world that he did indeed have a weakness that wasn't just a glowing green rock. "I know I'm not perfect, but… I need to be. That's what lead me to this- to no you. You… You're my best friend, and you always tried to stick behind me even during the worst of times- and I thank you for that- but… I killed you. Logically, I know, Lex was the one who had done the damage, but… I could've saved me. I could've-" The tears rushed forward again, the self hatred causing him to shake with his sobs. He was thinking about all the things he could've done, should've done, but never did.

And it hurt so much. So much more than anything that could hurt him, let alone could ever hurt him.

"You trusted me, and… and I f-failed that trust." He continued after a moment of allowing the sobs to overcome him, his heart aching all the more as his thoughts turned to his memories all over again.

"_Geez, Clark, I didn't know you were such a sap"_, he heard her voice say to him in his head, and he held back the laugh that came to his lips, remembering the smile she would've given him right then.

A hand touched his shoulder, and he instinctively moved away from it as though it were a plague- and the chocolate eyes of someone he had never thought would comfort him seemed to welcome him when nothing else would. Still, he didn't want it, his heart bleeding all the more with the thoughts of what she had done to him, what she had done to destroy all hope for another relationship- although it wasn't like he enjoyed the idea of fixing things anymore.

"What? Lex not adopting your needs?" It was true that he was still bitter for her actions, and he didn't want her to forget what she had put him through- but his own self-hatred pounded into him more than anything else. "I'm not here as your toy, Lana, so keep going, alright? I'm here to say my apologies to someone, and I don't need you here to make everything go wrong again."

She didn't answer him with a witty comment, and she didn't yell at him for calling her a whore without really saying the words. What she had done was wrap her arms around him and just hold him, not saying a word about their tortured pasts together, how she had denied his trust when he had given her everything. It seemed as though all of that had been forgotten in such a tragic moment, although both knew that that barrier would return once they left the gravesite.

He didn't care about it for once, about how she had done such horrible things to him. Today, in the winter rain, she was hugging him tightly so to console a friend and not a man who she wished to become her lover. She was being humane and friendly when he thought that she had neither of those things left within her.

And he only held her back, showing this woman he no longer wanted anything to do with an emotion he had held back to this day- his deep depression.

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Orokid: Remember to review my fanfic, if you would! I love reviews, and I don't care if it's just to say "cookie!" (well, I do want REAL reviews, but whatever). I just want them! K? Thanks


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